my thoughts....

                       Let me just start out by saying.... I'm ready to change! I'm have been battling my weight issues for well like forever! Especially this last year. After I had Madelyn. I didn't go on a diet or exercise like most pregnant women do. I KNOW what happened was this: I had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant. I wasn't allowed to have sugar at all. I wasn't allowed to eat anything I wanted. I had to monitor my sugar intake 4 times a day. That was hard as hell. I did it of course with no questions asked! But after I had the baby I was able to eat anything I wanted. So I did. I'm not beating around the bush on this. ha ha. I did eat anything. I wanted too! I mean I didn't like eat an entire carton of ice cream in one sitting... haha! I just didn't diet. I am the kind of person I can talk about doing something till the cows come home. But actually doing it that can be a long process. I have talked about how much I hate the way I look for the last year all the time. However I NEVER did anything about it. Unfortunately, I wasn't born with the skinny gene. :( If I wanna look good I need to eat right and exercise. It is not a easy thing for me. I know I have to do this. I'm soooooo ready to start to feel good again. I wanna be proud of the way I look. If I feel like I look good then I will feel better. I wanna feel sexy ;)

                               I had have a hard time excepting my "mama body" Having a c-section really changes your body. Having to have my muscles cut through was not easy. My belly will never be the same. I'm learning in time that just by being a mother it makes me more beautiful than I ever was. This blog is not supposed to be a pity blog at all. Its just me expressing my biggest battle in life right now. In the beginning of this week. I have had a life changening moment. I have realized that I deserve to feel good about myself. Instead of just talking about it. But actually do something about it. I am the only person who can truly change me. I am ready. I am not doing anything severe. I don't do good at SUPER strict diets. So I'm not calling this a diet.. I'm just calling this a challenge to be healthy everyday. I need it. I want it. I never wanna be that mom. I don't wanna be able to not keep up with my daughter one day. I dont wanna get full blown diabetes as a older adult. I'm at greater risk. I wanna be healthy and feel good.  This past week I'm eating way better and exercising as often as possible. I'm ALREADY feeling better. It crazy how one day I just realized that I can do anything! I can lose the weight I want to. I'm the strongest person I know. I don't have a time line or a weight limit to reach.  But what I do have this time around is confidence in myself. I have confidence that I can do this and stick to it!